<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Iris by elivigar</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271091">Iris</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/elivigar/pseuds/elivigar'>elivigar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>5 Seconds of Summer (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:34:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/elivigar/pseuds/elivigar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton doesn’t respond with so many words. Shuffling closer to Luke, he lets his eyes flutter shut as he presses his forehead against Luke’s. “I’m scared of losing you,” he whispers. “You have no idea how much.”</p>
<p>Raising his hands to cup Ashton’s face, Luke releases a shaky breath. “You’re already losing me.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Iris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hiya! Just a short little thingy and my first fic in the 5sos-fandom, so... hope y'all enjoy? <a href="http://ashtcnirwin.tumblr.com">Come talk to me on tumblr if you wanna!</a>♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With a loud crack from above, the skies open and the rain falls like a heavy blanket. Luke moves as fast as his feet allow him along the pavement, but despite his destination only being a couple of minutes away, he’s still dripping from head to toe by the time he unlocks the front door and all but stumbles inside. The door slams shut behind him and he leans back against it, closing his eyes while he does his best to wipe the water off his face. All it does is leave him with water smeared across his face, no drier than before.</p>
<p>Sighing soundly, he walks to the elevator, presses the button and waits for it to arrive. It does after a few seconds and he steps inside, pushing the button with 5 stamped onto it, then leans back against the railing and closes his eyes again. Another miserable night, thanks to yet another miserable date. He’s tired, his chest aches and every fibre in his body is telling him to go straight to bed. </p>
<p>The elevator dings, the doors slide open and Luke steps out, removing his leather jacket as he does. Walking down the hallway, he stops outside flat 503, pulls his keychain out of the pocket of his jeans and unlocks the door with unsteady hands. It’s quiet inside, no sign of life except for the faint sound of the TV in the living room. The flat is otherwise dark. He kicks off his shoes, leaving them in a heap on the floor and drops his jacket on top.</p>
<p>When he enters the living room, he’s met by the sight of Ashton curled up on the couch. He turns his head when he spots Luke in his side vision, and his face immediately splits into a smile.</p>
<p>“Hey, how was it?” he asks. Then Luke comes closer and he frowns. “Might wanna get out of those clothes. Do you have-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I have pyjamas here,” Luke cuts him off. “Think they’re still in your bedroom unless you’ve moved them.”</p>
<p>Ashton shakes his head wordlessly, and Luke turns on his heel and heads to Ashton’s bedroom. He finds his pyjamas where he left them last week, in the bottom drawer of Ashton’s dresser. Sliding out of his wet clothes, underwear included, he puts on the soft, washed-out pyjama bottoms and the rather ratty t-shirt, before he pads back out to the living room and slumps down next to Ashton.</p>
<p>They sit in silence for a few beats. “Wanna tell me how your date went?”</p>
<p>“Not really,” Luke says.</p>
<p>“That bad?”</p>
<p>“Of course it was bad,” Luke says in a snappy tone he can’t help.</p>
<p>“How come?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I just- I didn’t feel that spark.”</p>
<p>“What spark?”</p>
<p>Luke groans as he puts his head on Ashton’s shoulder. “You know the spark, Ashton. The spark you feel when you click with someone. It wasn’t there, all throughout dinner and dessert. It was miserable for both me and him.”</p>
<p>Ashton doesn’t respond at once. He slides an arm around Luke’s shoulders and holds him close, and Luke relaxes into it, inhaling Ashton’s scent, familiar and safe. They sit there like that for a solid minute or two before Ashton opens his mouth.</p>
<p>“There are always more fish in the sea,” he says quietly and presses a kiss to Luke’s damp hair. “Just keep looking, I’ll help you.”</p>
<p>At that, something in Luke’s chest breaks. <i>Something</i>. Right. It’s his heart that’s breaking. Again, for the millionth time it feels like. But it’s different this time. The date was terrible, sure, as they always are because whoever the date’s with, it’s not with the right person. But tonight he’s also so tired and so sick of the whole situation, of the game that Ashton insists on playing with him for whatever reason. And he’s tipsy. The date was so bad he had at least one more glass of wine than strictly necessary.</p>
<p>He sits up straight, clenching his jaw as he sets his eyes in Ashton.</p>
<p>“Why, Ashton?” he demands. “Why are you gonna help me find yet another person who I can go on an awful date with? Do you enjoy seeing me miserable? Do you <i>want</i> me to be miserable, just so I’ll come here afterwards and lock myself in with the key you gave me, cry on your shoulder for a bit and then let you fuck me?”</p>
<p>Ashton stares right back, mouth hanging half open in apparent shock. “Of course I don’t want you to be miserable,” he says, brows furrowing.</p>
<p>“No?” Luke says with an hysterical laugh that to his own ears doesn’t even sound like him. “Then I’m at a fucking loss here!”</p>
<p>“At a loss for what?” Ashton asks, volume increasing for each word, and now he’s sitting up properly, too. “You’re the one who wants to find someone to be in a relationship with, as you keep telling me every damn time I see you!”</p>
<p>“‘<i>Every damn time</i>’ you see me,” Luke repeats with a cold, flat smile. “I haven’t mentioned it more than a couple of times the last six months.”</p>
<p>“Two times is enough for me to take the hint,” Ashton bites. There’s a hardness in his eyes that Luke has never seen there before. Gone are the usual happy glints and occasional dimpled smiles, and in their places are defiance and anger. Luke doesn’t think he’s ever seen Ashton angry, especially not at him.</p>
<p>“Apparently it isn’t,” Luke snaps. He leans back against the cushions again and rolls his lips, eyes still glued to Ashton’s. “Why won’t you let me go?”</p>
<p>All anger drains from Ashton’s face in a split second, and its place comes bewilderment. “You’re free to leave any time you want.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God!” Luke shouts as his heart shatters all over again. The feeling’s getting real, freakin’ old. “You really think it’s that easy? We’ve been fucking on and off for almost two years, Ashton! Two fucking <i>years</i>! And before that we were friends for over a year! And I go on these dates and you always tell me to come here after if I wanna and what- what am I supposed to take from that, huh? Because what I take from it is that you’re not willing to let me go! You-”</p>
<p>“Can you shut up for a moment, for the love of-”</p>
<p>“No, <i>you</i> shut up! You want me to come here afterwards because if the date went poorly, which it usually does, you get to fuck me into oblivion so that I forget how miserable it was, and if it went well, you <i>still</i> want me to come here afterwards so that you can fuck me to remind me that no one else can ever give me what you can!”</p>
<p>“And what does it say about you, then, if you choose to come here after a good date?!” Ashton yells. “I’m giving you an option and you keep accepting!”</p>
<p>“I asked you first! Why won’t you let me go? Every time we’re done fucking, you ask me to leave! You don’t want me to stay over, you don’t wanna talk, you just want me gone! If that’s all you want from me, you might as well pick up someone random, not keep going with me for two years! So, why won’t you just cut me out? Make everything easier for the both of us?”</p>
<p>Ashton opens his mouth, then closes it, and it’s like all the air leaves his body at once. He falls back against the couch and squeezes his eyes shut while shaking his head once, as if trying to get rid of an annoying fly. When he opens his eyes again and his gaze meets Luke’s, all the fight is gone. He just looks tired.</p>
<p>“Because I can’t, Luke,” he says and sounds so defeated, so defenceless. A part of Luke wants nothing but to curl up against him, hold him close and be held in return. </p>
<p>“Why not?” he demands. “Why can’t you just delete my number, ask for your key back and we’ll never see each other again?”</p>
<p>“Because I-” Ashton snaps his mouth shut, effectively shutting himself up. “I don’t wanna have this conversation. Can we please just…”</p>
<p>“Just what?” Luke asks. “Go to bed, have sex and then I’ll be on my merry way afterwards? No, thanks, Ashton. As charming as an offer as that is, I’d rather go straight home, right now, if that’s my alternative.” He surprises himself when he realises he actually meant what he just said.</p>
<p>“Don’t be like that,” Ashton all but pleads as he reaches out a hand and puts it on Luke’s knee.</p>
<p>Swatting Ashton’s hand away, Luke shakes his head firmly. “Don’t be like what?”</p>
<p>“Luke…”</p>
<p>“No, don’t- don’t <i>do</i> that. Don’t say my name like that. Just answer me right now or I’ll be out that door and we’ll never see each other again. Tell me why you won’t just let me go?”</p>
<p>Ashton’s eyes drift away, swiping around the room as if he’s looking for something to anchor him. Maybe he is. His eyes come to rest on the coffee table eventually, unblinking as his chest rises and falls at a deliberately steady pace. The rain is drumming against the windows, the heavy drops doing their part to underline the tension that’s blanketing the room.</p>
<p>“Because,” Ashton starts quietly, “the only thing worse than giving you what you want, is not being allowed to give you anything at all.”</p>
<p>Luke falters and when he speaks again, there’s a pleading undertone in his voice. “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. You can’t keep doing this to me. It’s not fair.”</p>
<p>“It’s not all on me, you’re-”</p>
<p>“I know I’m free to step out of the situation, but I can’t, Ashton, and you know that. If you can’t- I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend, I’m just asking for a little bit more than what we have now.”</p>
<p>Ashton doesn’t respond with so many words. Shuffling closer to Luke, he lets his eyes flutter shut as he presses his forehead against Luke’s. “I’m scared of losing you,” he whispers. “You have no idea how much.”</p>
<p>Raising his hands to cup Ashton’s face, Luke releases a shaky breath. “You’re already losing me.”</p>
<p>The words are barely out of his mouth before Ashton’s lips connect with his. It starts out soft and trembling, nervous in a way Luke doesn’t recall any of their other kisses having been. He hesitates, knows their conversation is far from over. But then Ashton makes a small noise, almost desperate, and he gives in, climbs into his lap as the kiss deepens.</p>
<p>They shed their clothes right there on the couch, and Luke comes with Ashton buried deep inside him, supporting himself on Ashton’s chest as he does. As soon as Ashton has come with a groan, his hips stuttering and his head thrown back to expose his throat, Luke collapses forward. Burying his face in Ashton’s neck, he works on catching his breath, and is hyper focused on Ashton’s hand stroking his back gently, up and down.</p>
<p>After a while, when their sweaty bodies are starting to cool down and Luke has to suppress shiver after shiver, he sits up. Ashton doesn’t say anything, just keeps stroking his back and looking him directly in the eyes, as if waiting for Luke to make the first move.</p>
<p>“Was that… one last hurrah?” Luke asks. When Ashton merely continues to look at him, he shoots his eyes down and swallows soundly, nodding as if in quiet acceptance. He stays where he is only for another second before he gets off the couch to stand on his feet, grimacing at the discomfort when Ashton slides out of him. “I’m gonna go, then. I’ll leave your keys and… please delete my number and my Snapchat.”</p>
<p>As he bends down to pick up his pyjamas from the floor, Ashton finally speaks up.</p>
<p>“Don’t go,” he says, his voice raspy.</p>
<p>Luke stills mid-movement and stands up straight. “What?”</p>
<p>“Don’t go,” Ashton repeats. He looks beautiful like this, Luke thinks - his hair a tangled mess, cheeks flushed, eyes hooded and lips puffy and red. “Stay. Please.”</p>
<p>It’s Luke's turn to not respond. He looks at Ashton, waits for him to say something more.</p>
<p>Sitting up, Ashton rises to his feet and stops when the tips of his toes are touching Luke’s. “I don’t know how to do this,” he says as he folds his arms loosely around the low of Luke’s back. “I’ve never- I don’t know. But I don’t wanna lose you, so… stay the night?”</p>
<p>It’s a start, Luke thinks as he rests the side of his head against Ashton’s and listens to his breathing, consistent and solid. It’s not gonna be enough in the long run, but it’s a start, and he’s willing to give Ashton a chance at a fresh start if that’s what it’s gonna take.</p>
<p>“I’ll stay,” he mumbles into his chest.</p>
<p>Ashton responds by tightening his arms around him.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>